mn1970
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Post by mn1970 on Dec 7, 2023 22:25:40 GMT
I dont understand why people have social media,in my limited experience its either boasting or moaning
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Post by hoolaohanrahanrahan on Dec 7, 2023 23:45:41 GMT
I found twitter mostly fine. I tend to follow the people who aren't going to trigger me and I never read the replies so all was fine...that is until they started just dumping tweets from randomers on my feed. One today was "Declan Rice is a multi-millionaire, 6'1, elite footballer so why does he settle for a fat white girl". Bleak. Very bleak. Andrew Well yeah but the algorithms are just...something else. Obviously we played a football match against a certain bunch of local mouthbreathers a few weeks back, and having looked at updates at the time, now I get loads of Pish stuff every day. You can't shift it. And this Declan Rice stuff is absurd, it's literally from a parody account but you can't shift it because people keep quote chomping and...argh. I hate it so much.
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soulhalshall
Youth team star
Posts: 1,460
Favourite CUFC player: Courtney Pitt
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Post by soulhalshall on Dec 11, 2023 10:03:04 GMT
I posted a couple of times in this thread about my unwise extra-marital decisions. In the interest of transparency, to provide the third act in this tragedy and because I wonder if maybe this will help, I am posting again.
I asked in the first message for advice. I had been caught communicating with another woman. I thought at the time it was innocent, but later understood my wife's anger and upset. Unfortunately I ended up testing out the idea of 'fcuk about find out'. And I am now finding out. I returned to meet the other woman in September at a playgroup. I wanted to apologise, to find out what had happened in her situation since the drama of earlier in the summer. It was clear then that there was still some sort of a connection between us and we began messaging again and meeting.
We found one another to be of great support, understood one another. I felt accepted and understood in a way I had not in my marriage. I carried hangups about being coerced into marriage and believed now with this other woman I had found someone, unexpectedly, who was right for me. Neither of us backed off and the feelings grew despite the marriages. We began to talk about the future, allowed - we said - our hearts to lead us. I felt I was making up for past mistakes, allowing my heart to guide me. Too much time watching Before Sunset and listening to maudlin pop I suppose.
We reasoned that, even with six children between us in two happy homes, it was not wrong of us to explore an unusual connection. People get divorced, people move on. Richard and Judy were both married when they met. This gave me confidence, I have no idea why. Eventually the situation became too big to ignore and the other woman told her husband what had been happening. He smashed her phone. Said he would kill himself or me if she left. He threatened to hurt my children, kill me. We only told part of the truth, avoiding the physical aspects. Liars to the end.
I was removed from my house, spending nights in the car, bed and breakfast, with family. I continued to communicate with the other woman, who I needed more than ever. Her husband worked hard to prove he was right for her. But our affair continued these two weeks and he caught her on the phone again, he found a string of very revealing messages we had shared that showed everything that had happened. He shared them widely. He attacked his wife and put her in hospital. He took himself to the police.
My wife told our children. Our eldest spat in my face, was rightly furious and said he did not want to see me again. The other woman is in a psychiatric unit. I attempted to visit but was told by her family that they were calling the police and blocking all contact with her. I collapsed on the street last night while on the phone to a suicide prevention charity, as the enormity of the damage I have caused swept through me. Every relationship I have is weaker than it was before. And the person I risked it all for I cannot see. An ambulance was called and I was taken to the hospital but released later last night.
I would not be sad if you were dead, said my wife. The husband called me this morning urging me to 'leave this planet'. I have to live for the children. I am writing this because I do not have any support and felt this was a place to at least write it down so please ignore if this is all too much.
It is a cautionary tale perhaps. I stayed in my marriage previously because I did not wish to abandon my wife's child who I had taken as my own, but instead he has abandoned me as a result of my actions. Don't follow your heart because it's not always going to lead you to sunsets and rainbows, there was too much harm here, too much in the way. How much damage, irreparable hurt has been caused. Two happily families broken a few weeks before Christmas. And no-one to excuse me because there are no excuses for hurting children, for destroying people's lives, breaking their hearts.
The terrible thing, or one of the terrible things is that I don't know if I regret everything. I love the other woman more deeply than I've ever loved anything, I finally felt accepted and loved back. But that takes away none of the hurt it just confirms that I am a bad person, beyond bad, selfish, narcissistic, attention-seeking. Here is the attention.
F u c k about Find out.
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Post by joffjog on Dec 11, 2023 10:27:41 GMT
I’ve been at the receiving end of cheaters and violent men (obvs him, not you) and women are so often left with much of the practical fall out (as well as the emotional), in regards to parenting and financial responsibilities. I’d implore you to keep that in mind as your navigate your way forward.
I can’t offer insincere platitudes and assurances (my allegiance is firmly with your partner here), but I do hope you take care of yourself. I’d really recommend finding some ongoing support (friends and/or professional) because this will be unbearably hard and for a good while.
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Andrewlang
Cult hero
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Post by Andrewlang on Dec 11, 2023 10:38:18 GMT
I'm so sorry for what you're going through, please keep posting if it helps.
I can't say anything other than what jj has just said. Reach out to someone if you can, you've already taken a huge step just by posting on here.
x
Andrew
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cambsno
Youth team star
Posts: 1,031
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Post by cambsno on Dec 11, 2023 14:01:05 GMT
Reach out if you want to by PM. Different circumstances but went through a split this year with a crazy ex-wife and at times it was tough so know what the mental side can be like
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Post by kentishu on Dec 11, 2023 15:55:18 GMT
Just a few thoughts
Committing suicide is an easy way out and will damage your children for ever. Don't even think about it.
You are currently in the eye of the storm, time will change things, they won't seem so raw, and children are resilient, as long as you are around to show them you care.
Loving someone isn't a crime, you may feel like the worst person in the world right now, but plenty of others do many worse things.
Kentish
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Post by hoolaohanrahanrahan on Dec 11, 2023 16:35:36 GMT
Please keep posting, how you feel now is how the future has to be.
And you've more than enough self awareness to know that, but the human mind is a bizarre thing under stress, and this sounds like epitome of a stressful situation. People will come round, and hopefully this other woman is safe from her husband, he sounds unhinged.
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Post by jonmacartney on Dec 11, 2023 17:12:38 GMT
Soulhashall,
I dount we've ever met but I have always appreciated your posts. To my reading you write (very well) with an unusual honesty and insight.
I haven't any wisdom or comfort to offer. The situtaion you decsribe is unutterably sad and painful and all involved have my sympathy. Life, however, is precious, and however bleak things seem right now there can be opportunities and ocassions for future good and joy. Simply by posting you may well be helping others. I hope you find others able to help you.
Please keep posting.
Jon
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Post by artvandelay on Dec 11, 2023 17:27:45 GMT
Just a few thoughts Committing suicide is an easy way out and will damage your children for ever. Don't even think about it. You are currently in the eye of the storm, time will change things, they won't seem so raw, and children are resilient, as long as you are around to show them you care. Loving someone isn't a crime, you may feel like the worst person in the world right now, but plenty of others do many worse things. Kentish You don't 'commit' suicide, it isn't a crime. As someone who has survived it I can also assure you that it is anything but an easy way out.This sort of language isn't helpful, even if I'm sure it came from a well-meaning place. The language around suicide, such as this, is still so stigmatic that it prevents people from opening up. It's an incredibly difficult thing to admit to, regardless of who it is being said to.
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Post by kentishu on Dec 11, 2023 22:32:32 GMT
I am trying to say something that might actually help.
My father killed himself after an affair and I know all about the damage that caused. It was an easy way out for him and I can't forgive him.
I don't want to get into a conversation about language, this isn't the time to do it. But this situation seems to have been caused by a specific issue, I don't think it is about mental health in general.
Kentish
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Post by artvandelay on Dec 12, 2023 7:44:06 GMT
And I am certain it won't. It feels like you have some things that need to be dealt with, I would be of the opinion that they aren't relevant here, regardless of any perceived similarities and the reopening of personal wounds.
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Post by kentishu on Dec 12, 2023 8:36:40 GMT
Well I am sorry that's how you feel.
I will always try to help when someone asks for it, particularly when they are desperate and say they have no support at all.
Kentish
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Post by artvandelay on Dec 12, 2023 8:49:32 GMT
That's admirable and I respect you for it. My advice would be to try not to make it about you in such situations as it may not be helpful.
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Post by kentishu on Dec 12, 2023 9:14:11 GMT
There is nothing in my original post that is about me.
Kentish
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